Meg · Stout

I went to Capclave, the annual literary convention sponsored by the Washington Science Fiction Association. Conclave is a "small relaxed literary convention with a program that usually focuses on the short fiction form."

I'm not sure I'd ever gone to a 'Con.' But it seemed a great chance to get more exposure to the writing world. Particularly since one of the folks on Codexwriters.com had a "Guest of" pass that allowed me to get in free.

I presumed Capclave would be a hopping event. But it didn't have the frenetic energy I had subconsciously expected (extrapolating from what I've heard of Fan-driven cons (thinking Star Trek and Manga)). On the other hand it was truly small and intimate, which meant I could meet with folks and not feel lost in a faceless crowd.

I signed up for a bunch of workshops, but didn't even try to get into the writing workshop since I presumed the writing workshop would be full. But I was simply sitting in a room, and the writing workshop gathered around me. And they weren't 'full,' so allowed me to participate. The workshop was led by author Allen Wold, and the critiquers included editor Ed Schubert (IGMS), two other authors (ack didn't write their names) and a professional reader.

We were each given ten minutes to write the first 100 words of a story, trying to set a 'hook,' plus make clear the genre and the when, where, and what of the story. Now it later became apparent that this was supposed to be a story we were making up from scratch, but that wasn't made explicitly clear. So I wrote an opening 100 for the rewrite of my novel:

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Joseph Smith was dying. Nathan could see it in the grieving faces of the men who now approached from the Smith home. Their pale faces seemed out of place in the bright June sun, as fine an afternoon as Nathan ever remembered since he’d arrived in Kirtland, Ohio some three years ago. A beautiful day, a day Joseph would have enjoyed

A whispered comment reached Nathan as the men filed past the tree Nathan was clearing. “…remember the day Joseph preached after being tarred and feathered the night before. Now he can’t even lift his head.”

Nathan set his jaw and picked up the ax again.

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The panel's comments were:

If this isn't about Joseph Smith, the Mormon, rethink the name.

The start is introspective - no action

Didn’t feel there was a hook – fine for a historical novel, but a hook could be even more. …dying has been done as a hook too many times. Don’t need to say dying, should be able to infer.

Give more of a sense of Nathan’s take on it, give a context, character’s emotions, respect or disdain.

Faces repeated – pale grieving faces. Repetition can be OK if done intentionally and to good effect (but the faces thing was unintentional). Try reading it aloud, record and play back to catch how it reads, which might not be apparent from just looking at the page.

Don’t need to use tags too often, particularly with odd names. Felt long.

Wanted/needed a better sense of Nathan, age, relationship to Joseph.

Ed liked the voice. But rather than just describing events, use the power of POV to color the reader’s perceptions. Tell perceptions, not just facts. Felt jumpy (but it might have been the ‘knights doing combat’ in the back room).

The final comment to all was:

"Unless you have a draft on paper, you can never have a second draft."

So then I developed my second draft:

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Nathan brought the ax down on the fallen apple tree again, severing the last limb from the splintered trunk. In the silence that followed, he heard the creaking of the front door.

Nathan looked up, hoping to see Joseph Smith in the door. But the somber faces of the men who filed silently from the home dashed his hopes, filling him with dread.

A whispered comment reached Nathan as the men passed him. “I remember Joseph preaching here in Kirtland six years ago, after being beaten, tarred, and feathered. To see him unable to lift his head...” The voice faded.

Nathan set his jaw and picked up the ax again.

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I caught Allen and Ed in the hall Saturday night (since I couldn't come back Sunday for the wrap-up) and they took the time to read my revision. While neither felt it contained a strong hook, they thought it was OK for a novel. Particularly given that the cover and blurbs on the book would have informed the reader of 'the hook,' namely that this is about Joseph Smith and polygamy. Ed again commented that he liked the voice, and Allen particularly commented on the natural dialogue Nathan overhears as the men leave. It was actually at this point that Allen made the comment that modern readers want to see things in sequence according to movie logic (since I had done it well in this sequence).

Cool experience. And in the Agent Workshop gave me this little tidbit which I'll be including in my query letter when I finally get this novel finished:

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In the 1830s the Mormon leader Joseph Smith attempted to restore ancient biblical marriage practices, including polygamy. Few people understood, least of all his wife.

Daughters of Heaven uses the Jewish storytelling form of midrash to examine the last five years of Smith’s life as seen through the lens of one of his plural wives and her ‘pretend’ husband.